President Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameron were both big no-shows during the Rio Earth Summit this week, but in the surest sign that this party was a bust, even former Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger decided not to come. This is a bit surprising, because he’s no stranger to the allure of the Marvelous City — and now that he’s on his way to being single again, this could’ve been the perfect opportunity to pick up where he left off:


Schwarzenegger was scheduled to help hand out the Sustainia awards Wednesday evening, but reportedly got tied up with a movie shoot. Mmm hmmm. If not even the language of love could lure him to Rio this week, we must assume he had more important affairs to deal with. Ahem.

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But really, who could blame him for staying home? The Earth Summit wraps up today with an endless stream of near-identical speeches from world leaders and their surrogates. (Secretary of State Hillary Clinton spoke for the U.S.: “Good morning” blah blah blah, “Brazil’s deft and effective leadership” blah blah blah, “a real advance for sustainable development” blah blah blah, etc.) Later today, bigwigs will sign a final “outcome document,” widely panned as a watered-down and insufficient plan that provides exactly zero help in meeting the challenges of creating a green economy for the globe. Afterwards, they’ll all probably go out for a show and a couple of caipirinhas.

All of which means we may have to wait until Rio+40 before we see Arnold reprise his carnival debauchery. Consider me and the internet crushed.

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