As long as we’re having hot dog pizzas and cheeseburger pizzas, why not put pizza on everything? Why not go mad? We could have pizza coffee and pizza ice cream and pizza s’mores and pizza Cinnabons! Ha ha ha ha ha oh wait that last one actually exists.

Cinnabon is only rolling out these personal pan atrocities in its Atlanta test market, so the A.V. Club suckered two iron-stomached Georgia natives into scarfing some down on behalf of those of us who cannot (and don’t want to).

Choice quotes include:

  • “Nothing on it looks fresh.”
  • “Here at the bottom it’s saturated in grease.”
  • “The first thing I taste is preservatives.”
  • “It’s pretty disgusting and I don’t want any more.”
  • “Like swallowing a coronary embolism.”

Then they dig into the Cinnabon “panini,” which wins the warm praise of “not awful” and “I would eat this in an airport.”

So, now that you know that the Cinnabon pizza is not worth your time, you have so much room left in your stomach for other mutant pizza food! Pizza cocktail, anyone?