Despite how demure its citizens are, Canada sometimes feels a little insecure about always being promoted as second-fiddle to the United States. There is a famous T-shirt which suggests that Canada is America’s hat; while this is largely true, Canada yearns to occasionally suggest that the U.S. is Canada’s boxer shorts. (Your Florida is hanging out.)

In one thing, though, Canada emerges victorious: garbage production. From the CBC:

The Conference Board of Canada gave Canada a C grade on Thursday and ranked it in 15th place among 17 developed nations studied across a host of environmental-efficiency metrics. …

While Canada earned a few A grades in categories such as water quality, endangered species and the use of forest resources, overall the country scored a D average. …

Canada fared dismally in terms of the amount of waste we produce. In 2009 (the data year on which the study was based), Canada produced 777 kilgrams of garbage per citizen. Across all 17 countries studied, the average was only 578 kg produced.

This is actually a dump in Canada. Really. With bears.
pedalfreak
This is actually a dump in Canada. Really. With bears.

This is what happens when you have a ton of extra space — it fills up with junk you don’t need to keep. Been there, Canada! We feel you!

[This spot could have been used for a hacky joke about the things Canadians throw away -- Tim Horton's cups, moose antlers, empty syrup bottles, retired NHL players -- but we're too mature for that.]

So congratulations to our head-warming neighbors to the north. You’ve done it. You’ve bested America in a field that most people would assume the U.S. would win in a walk. On garbage production, we are truly Canada’s underpants.

On nearly every other factor studied, though:

The 15th-place [overall] ranking put Canada only ahead of the U.S. and Australia …

The report found Canadians use 1,131 cubic metres per capita of water per year. The only country that uses more water is the United States, which consumes 1,632 cubic metres per capita.

U-S-A, motherf*ckers. U. S. A.