Inflating shower curtainPhoto: Elisabeth Buecher

Guilt drip
These sadistic Puff & Flock (!) shower curtains slowly inflate with every water-wasting moment you spend bathing — because the suffocating guilt you feel just isn’t enough.

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Cow buttsL’Oréal … Because you’re worth shit
In an effort to make you forget about all the scary chemicals in their cosmetic products, L’Oréal is installing a methane-capture system to power one of their haircare-product factories. And yes, we’ll say it: They’re putting the “poo” in “shampoo”!

 

 

 

 

Earth Angel vibratorFeel the vibrations
If saving the earth gets you off, consider the Earth Angel, the “world’s first 100 percent ecofriendly sex toy.” It’s made from recycled plastic! It doesn’t use batteries! It requires four minutes of hand cranking! Uh, isn’t the whole point to avoid the manual labor?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The slice is right
The ecofriendly pizza box: Because the world needs saving … and you might just be lazy enough to do it.

 

Let the Goode times roll
Animated enviro-caricature The Goode Family premieres May 27 and is bound to make you cringe more than a Hummer “going green.” Thankfully, you’re self-righteous enough not to own a TV, right?