Thursday night, a group of us Grist gals headed out to The Stranger‘s Valentine’s Day Bash — a yearly purge for Seattle’s lovelorn wherein the wronged bring in mementos of their failed relationship and host Dan Savage destroys them on stage in some sick and twisted but totally satisfying way. (Fret not, old boyfriends, I didn’t destroy anything of yours …)
Weapons of choice include a sledgehammer, a power saw, liquid nitrogen, men’s urinals, a high-powered blender, and a blowtorch.
But it was not the dude in a pink furry costume nor the trio of women screwed by the same low-life that made the biggest scene last night. It was a Def Leppard album. Actually, a Def Leppard album along with the aforementioned blowtorch. In combination.
Earlier in the evening, Savage had refused to burn items like t-shirts and a stuffed lamb — "This is from China, probably made of lead and political prisoners," he said, clearly aware of the toxic implications — but when it came to the vinyl record, it was obvious he had not read any of Umbra’s advice on the matter.
And thus erupted a huge black death-cloud that filled the cave-like space. The audience ooh’d and ugh’d. And it smelled horrible, in that chemicals-slowly-eating-away-at-your-nosehairs sort of way, for a good 30 minutes.
I tell you this, dear readers, as a public service. I have witnessed firsthand the ill effects of vinyl. So it’s no vinyl, and that’s final — especially if it belongs to your douchebag ex.