You know the feeling of Climate Guilt: When you know what you’re about to do (or, more likely, have already done) is wrong, and you just can’t help yourself. Or even if you don’t know if it’s wrong, you strongly suspect that it is — after all, every breath you take is a carbon emission.

You order that burger. You board the flight to Italy. You toss your water bottle in the trash can because you cannot, for the life of you, find a goddamn recycling bin in your supposedly progressive city. But who’s counting?

The planet is, you asshole.

That wasn’t helpful, I’m sure! But this is: A place to safely confess your transgressions, and be absolved. The Adaptors, a podcast showcasing the weird tales of climate change adaptation, have your back:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED. THE CLIMATE CONFESSIONS HOTLINE IS A CHANCE TO EASE YOUR CONSCIENCE. PICK UP THE PHONE. GET THE ISOLATING FEELINGS OFF YOUR CHEST.

Past confessions include this love-lorn Romeo, who is tearing up the atmosphere with monthly flights to see his long-distance lady. Is he going to cut back on his heart’s desire for the sake of the rest of humanity? Probably not. Confess, child.

If you’re getting a little hot under the collar, probably you have some Climate Guilt you need to get out of your system — or it might be the global warming you brought on yourself. Sorry! But you may also discover — like many adherents of religions varied and far-flung — that confession is also a good time to get some smugness out of your system. For example, this Prius scold feels really bad about how good his gas mileage is — yes, he’s That Prius Guy:

Nervous? Don’t be:

ALL CALLS ARE ANONYMOUS. YOUR NAME AND NUMBER WILL NOT BE TRACKED, UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE CONTACTED BY A CLIMATE COUNSELOR, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION. YOUR CONFESSION WILL BE RECORDED. IT MAY BE BROADCAST.

Get right with the Mother (Earth) … or at least make yourself feel a teensy bit better. Call the hotline.