1. We’ll undertake ‘er

    Feeling deathly ill? Rest in peace on one of these slightly used sofas. Sure, they were coffins in another life, but now they’re in a better place: your living room!

  2. Love those British chicks

    You can thank global warming for an abundance of great tits.

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  3. Ewes you can use

    Let us get scentimental: Wool you believe they make air fresheners out of poo? You herd it here first. But we’re a bit sheepish about trying this poo-pourri.

  4. Polluters should have toupee

    Thanks to rising levels of air pollution in urban areas, the once-endangered comb-over is hanging on by a hair.

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  5. Mum’s the word

    Don’t forget: this weekend is the mother of all holidays. Sure, yo’ mama would love some swag … but Mother Earth might prefer you offer something sustainably stuff-free. After all, hugs are a renewable resource.