1. We’re not saying there’s a god

    But if there were, do you think He might fell a tree on the lawn of a flawed figurehead? Perhaps flood a few of the iconic institutions run by that person’s cabal? You know … if there were.

  2. Heads up

    It’s almost time for the Running of the Nudes! But the annual Pamplona flabfest is missing one key element of any self-respecting animal rights-cum-boob event: a good rhyme scheme.

    Photo: PETA.

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  3. I’m with stupid

    Just as news breaks that the Smart Car is officially U.S.-bound, car dealers in Detroit are offering Hummer buyers a Mileage Maximizer. That ain’t the only thing they need to maximize. If. You. Know. What. We’re. Saying.

  4. Freebird!

    When Shellfest ’06 comes to your town to convince you that Big Oil isn’t the slickery, slimy, evil industry it’s been made out to be, see if they’ll do that old gas-price classic, “What Goes Up Must Come Down.”

    Photo: iStockphoto.

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  5. It’s time to emit the truth

    And finally, a big how-do to the mayors of Texas, who are meetin’ today to talk about fixin’ to fix climate change. Presumably their former guv doesn’t know what they’re up to, or he’d surely shick the kit out of ’em.

    Photo: iStockphoto.