As you may have heard, God created farmers and heart-moving rural imagery and something something buy a Dodge Ram! But did you know that God also created Monsanto, farm subsidies, and factory farmers?

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We are thankful for the technology that helps us get food and everything, but we’re also pretty thankful for not being subjected to smarmy preachy ads that try to sell us gas-guzzling monsters in the guise of agricultural mythology. So these are the ads we’d like to see on our personal Super Bowl.