So this kid licked an entire subway railing (for $1), which is among the more disgusting ways you can interact with public transit. Our favorite part is the gentleman in the background who, speaking for an appalled public everywhere, says, “That was nasty.”
It probably goes without saying that this lick-happy youth is a waste of space. (To be fair this is true of like 90 percent of people under 16, including us, and most of them grow out of it, but we’re feeling curmudgeonly.) We may be dating ourselves here but if he does in fact make it to 18 without getting in a skateboarding accident or overdosing on bath salts about the best he can hope for is to turn out like Casper in the 1995 film Kids. Given this, we feel that if he would like to be of any use to society, he should donate himself to science. Having committed this vile act, he could answer all kinds of questions about immunity, like if exposing yourself to toxins/germs (i.e. licking railings) ultimately makes you healthier, or if it just makes you chronically ill in addition to chronically dumb.
