Jacko gets a pass on conditions at his private zoo

If there’s one subject we like writing about more than cow poop, it’s the narcissistic hijinks of our celebrity overlords. If they are 90 percent synthetic, all the better. Speaking of: Seems Michael Jackson has been cleared of charges of mistreating the menagerie of exotic animals he keeps at Neverland Ranch. PETA filed the complaint with the U.S. Department of Agriculture after hearing reports that the critters — including elephants and orangutans — were being plied with “Jesus juice” and snuggled … no wait, wrong story. PETA charged that the animals were living in substandard conditions. But the USDA says the beasts and their environs were in good shape when an inspector visited last December. PETA doesn’t buy it. “It’s especially concerning when a celebrity keeps wild animals,” says PETA spokesflack Lisa Wathne, “as that promotes the whole concept of wild animals as pets to the public.”

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