Of all the city-navigation sites and apps available — the ones that tell you where to eat, the ones that plot your bike route, the ones that tell you when the next train is coming — none is more likely to improve your New York experience than ToiletFinder.com, the site that tells you where to find a public toilet and how gross it’s likely to be. (You think I’m exaggerating? Sit around and age for a while, then get back to me.) And now, you can apply to make ToiletFinder even better — and earn some cash — by becoming a professional bathroomologist.

ToiletFinder currently features user reviews, like a kind of poop Yelp. But founder Michael Li has decided to class up the joint by hiring a professional writer to scour New York’s public pee spots. He’s offering $100 a day plus a share of Google AdSense profits for the successful candidate, who must be funny, college-educated, and willing to be a little disgusting. (And even if you don’t get the gig, he says he’ll pay $20 for a good review.) 

My dream, of course, is that a robust bathroom reviewing culture will lead to better facilities citywide, through a mix of public shaming and positive reinforcement. But who am I kidding — that’s as likely as someone offering like $3,000 a month for a humor writing job oh wait BRB updating my resume

Non-New York poopers/writers, don’t despair: Li has plans to expand ToiletFinder to other cities. Your big, gross break could be coming soon.

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

Reader support helps sustain our work. Donate today to keep our climate news free. All donations DOUBLED!