“To the nudist resort!”

Attention: Official policy change at Grist.org. We no longer oppose global warming.

We are motivated by this report from CBS 13 in Sacramento discussing one aspect of the region’s economy that is doing quite well:

“It’s a nudist resort, not a colony, silly. And business, thanks to the area’s heat wave, has never been better,” wrote Kittyy.

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(The extra “Y” in her name is for “Why are you still wearing pants?” Ha ha, no, it’s a typo.)

Here is a list of the nudity “jokes” contained in this article, emphasis added:

  • “Temperatures rising means business is booming at a place where folks are letting it all hang out.”
  • “Kitty told CBS13 the naked truth.”
  • “CBS13 ventured out to Wilton to Laguna Del Sol on, yes, Rawhide Lane to see how these sun-drenched skinny dippers are soaking in the summer sizzler.”
  • “Suzanne Schell and her hubby, Wayne, have been urging people to come out of their shell for years…”
  • “Archery might be kind of dangerous.” [Ed. — Isn’t it always? Do people in Sacramento wear chain mail around?]
  • “Their sense of humor was easy to find. Where would they hide it?[Ed. — A sense of humor is a mental construct, not something visible.]
  • “If you’re ready to have a ball [Ed. — !!!] and come out to Laguna Del Sol, there is a day rate. Everyone’s welcome, and don’t worry about what to wear.”

We only left out about three sentences. The reporting was by Tony Lopez, but there’s no byline indicating who actually wrote this brilliance because Dane Cook is too modest.

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The important point being — why did we not think of this? For all of these years, we’ve lamented the change in the climate without considering the benefits. To wit:

  1. More jobs at nudist colonies. Er, resorts.
  2. More nudity.

We’re kidding, of course. For most people, more nudity is not an asset.

Suzanne Schell, a visitor, disagrees!

“Obviously everybody wants to wear as little as possible when it’s hot. It’s too hot to mow the lawn, and you see people going where there’s water. And this is just a great place to go,” said Suzanne Schell, a visitor.

The visual of nude lawn mowing was not one we needed. But visitor Suzanne does raise a good point: Why do we want to take off our clothes when it’s so hot? Earlier this week, Slate looked at that exact question.

Because our bodies need to disperse heat, and they can’t do that effectively when the air temperature is close to our body temperature. Our muscles and metabolism generate heat continuously. We transfer that heat into our surroundings by sweating, exhaling warm air, and circulating blood near the surface of our skin to cool. When the temperature gradient (or difference) between the body and the air is high, heat flows easily from us into the environment, and we cool down. But when the weather hovers around our internal temperature, our inner swelter lingers, and we feel hot and uncomfortable. Humidity makes things worse by interfering with the vaporization of sweat, one of the human body’s main cooling mechanisms.

There you have it. Please notice that Slate did not make any jokes about nudity, because the only people who would are cornballs like the copy guy at CBS-13 and complete hacks like whoever wrote this Grist article.

While fully clothed, mind you.