Most people know intuitively that when they eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, they feel better and probably even look better.

It’s a virtuous circle, and you can try it at home. Eat fresh produce. Feel better. Look better. Crave fresh produce. But the food-pharmaceutical industry (yes, they’re related) doesn’t make much money when you eat a lot of fresh produce.

It makes much more sense to them if you eat a lot of “value-added” (i.e., highly processed) food, and then have all sorts of troubles for which they can sell you the cure — including, uh, bathroom troubles.

Get a load of (sub. required) the new marketing campaign by Procter & Gamble (brilliant name, when you think about it) for its Metamucil constipation cure.

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The campaign features svelte young women applying makeup and grooming themselves, presumably for a night on the town. Without mentioning such words as “constipation” or “laxative,” the ads exhort you to “beautify your insides,” and promise “drop-dead gorgeous guts.”

“Just add Metamucil to your already diva-conscious diet, and your insides will be haute, haute, haute,” the ads declare.

And I find myself at a loss for words.

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