We need to think of a new name for the monstrosities that pizza companies are coming up with, because, really, this is NOT pizza:

[youtube http://youtu.be/MWDwZWCfp64]

Pizza Hut is selling this mutant creature in the Middle East, where, if the ad is to be believed, ordering a hamburger at a pizza place is a GIANT AND HILARIOUS JOKE and Pizza Hut just wants to shut those douches up. In what might be the greatest anti-monarchial movement in recent Middle East history, it’s also being marketed as the “most royal” pizza.

Grist relies on the support of generous readers like you. Donate today to keep our climate news free.

Here’s what the thing looks like up close:

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

It’s pretty unclear to me not only why anyone would want to eat this but how they would manage it. I mean, a cheeseburger is meat with cheese and bread and some pizzas are cheese and bread with meat. I’m with you that far. But this looks like a team of sliders trying to fertilize a plate of nachos. You don’t even want to eat it, you just want to leave it alone to undergo mitosis.