We need to think of a new name for the monstrosities that pizza companies are coming up with, because, really, this is NOT pizza:

Pizza Hut is selling this mutant creature in the Middle East, where, if the ad is to be believed, ordering a hamburger at a pizza place is a GIANT AND HILARIOUS JOKE and Pizza Hut just wants to shut those douches up. In what might be the greatest anti-monarchial movement in recent Middle East history, it’s also being marketed as the “most royal” pizza.

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Here’s what the thing looks like up close:

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It’s pretty unclear to me not only why anyone would want to eat this but how they would manage it. I mean, a cheeseburger is meat with cheese and bread and some pizzas are cheese and bread with meat. I’m with you that far. But this looks like a team of sliders trying to fertilize a plate of nachos. You don’t even want to eat it, you just want to leave it alone to undergo mitosis.