Call me morbid, call me pale, today there's no McDonald's on sale

MattCall me morbid, call me pale, today there’s no McDonald’s on sale.

Morrissey, the lugubrious former lead singer for the Smiths, made an album in 1985 called “Meat is Murder.” That was 28 years ago (I KNOW), but he has not since then altered his negative opinion of the consumption of animal flesh. That’s why, during the singer’s March 1 concert at Los Angeles’ Staples Center, the venue’s McDonald’s will be closed. Yes, Morrissey is a pretty powerful dude.

We don’t know if it’s the British accent or just his general demeanor, but we do know this: Paul McCartney asked the Staples Center to shut down McDonald’s too, and he got nowhere. (So, OK, it’s not the British accent.) Former Beatle? Next! Goth hero with pompadour? RIGHT AWAY SIR. One imagines the conversations were a little different, though:


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Staples Center McDonald’s: Hello, Staples Center McDonald’s.

Morrissey: Oi. Morrissey here. Shut down McDonald’s during my concert on March 1.

Staples Center McD: Or what?

Morrissey: Or I won’t bloody turn up, will I?

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Staples Center McD: Hello, Staple Center McDonald’s.

McCartney: Yes, this is Sir Paul McCartney. I wonder if I might have a word …

Staples Center McD: Sir who?

McCartney: Sorry to be a bother. Perhaps I’ll ring back after tea?

[Editor’s note: Sarah and I are currently disputing whether Morrissey is a dick and Paul McCartney is a nice guy, or vice versa. We will let you decide. One of these two conversations DEFINITELY happened, though.]

The Staples Center will be all-vegetarian that night, the first time a musician has succeeded in convincing the venue’s management to do such a thing. Morrissey released a statement saying: “I don’t look upon it as a victory for me, but a victory for the animals.” Big of the guy not to make it about himself, but we kind of wonder how long he’s been using that line. Did he ever look at guitarist Johnny Marr during one of their famous fights and say “Johnny, it’s not me who’s pissed at you, it’s the animals“?