Listen, I love Michelle Obama. L.O.V.E. F.L.O.T.U.S., OK? I am constantly staggered that we have a first lady this cool in my lifetime. But this PSA with Big Bird is a complete snore.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVn6p9s1gUk&feature=youtu.be]

Ugh really? That’s your pitch? “I like to eat healthy fruits and vegetables. Some also have peels.” YOU ARE COOLER THAN THIS, MICHELLE. (I’m not sure about you, Big Bird. I don’t like your new voice.)

Remember the healthy eating promotions from the heyday of Sesame Street? I MEAN. Captain Vegetable!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmjLqddPqZQ]

If you have to just stand there looking at fruit, at LEAST talk about how it’s delicious enough to appeal even to Cookie Monster:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcO41YUzYbQ]

This one was a little after my time, but it was pretty good! Blue-monster rap is less embarrassing than white-guy rap.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBMxpDbp51A]

Even the promotions for oranges used to be better:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8TqOTe3ODc]

Uh, I think that’s a promotion for oranges.

Anyway, sorry to bitch, Michelle — I can call you Michelle, right? We are buddies — but this PSA does nothing to counter the notion that fruits and veg are a thing grown-ups scold children about, rather than a fun and tasty snack. Next time, instead of just standing in front of a steel-grey background of kitchen utensils and intoning that fruit is good, I highly recommend that you bust out a Mom Dance and boogie down for veggies.