Oh, those scientists — they’re always trying to ruin hackish comedians’ most reliable material. You plan a whole routine about how airline food is shitty, and they go and make it good. In the United Kingdom, a team of scientists have made an airline meal that meets all 222 possible E.U.-endorsed health claims. (Making prepackaged, super-nutritional meals — so hot in Europe right now.) That means it’s made of foods that boost digestive systems, promote heart health, support normal blood cholesterol, and generally make up healthwise for the fact that you’re hurtling through radiation rays at 30,000 feet.

What’s in this mile-high supermeal? According to Take Part, healthy passengers should be eating:

A fresh and smoked salmon terrine, a mixed salad with extra virgin olive oil dressing, a high-fiber multigrain roll and a chicken lentil casserole. Dehydrated from your long flight? They’ve got you covered with water or a tasty-sounding cranberry, raspberry and elderflower drink. Sadly, there’s no chocolate cake for desert [sic]. No pie, either. Instead, you’ll be served a live yogurt blancmange (think custard).

Aside from “live yogurt blancmange,” which just makes us think of this, that does sound better than turkey, cheese, and mayo on a stale roll that you’re charged $5.95 for. Comedians will just have to move on to women and how they go to the bathroom in packs, am I right?

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