If you’re looking for raw material for your next batch of breast milk cheese, maybe don’t turn to eBay or Etsy. A new study finds that human breast milk sold online can be contaminated with salmonella. Yes, that’s right: It appears that you shouldn’t buy bodily fluids online if you then propose to feed them to babies. Thanks, science!

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The warning comes from researchers who bought and tested 101 breast milk samples sold by women on one popular site. Three-fourths of the samples contained high amounts of bacteria that could potentially sicken babies, the researchers found. They did not identify the Web site.

A pediatrician quoted in the Washington Post said something about these results being “pretty scary,” but we couldn’t hear him over the sound of “DUHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

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Anyway, go ahead and keep buying blood, urine, and mucus online, though, because as far as I know there are absolutely no peer-reviewed studies saying that it’s not safe to do so.