If you’re looking for raw material for your next batch of breast milk cheese, maybe don’t turn to eBay or Etsy. A new study finds that human breast milk sold online can be contaminated with salmonella. Yes, that’s right: It appears that you shouldn’t buy bodily fluids online if you then propose to feed them to babies. Thanks, science!

The warning comes from researchers who bought and tested 101 breast milk samples sold by women on one popular site. Three-fourths of the samples contained high amounts of bacteria that could potentially sicken babies, the researchers found. They did not identify the Web site.

A pediatrician quoted in the Washington Post said something about these results being “pretty scary,” but we couldn’t hear him over the sound of “DUHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

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Anyway, go ahead and keep buying blood, urine, and mucus online, though, because as far as I know there are absolutely no peer-reviewed studies saying that it’s not safe to do so.

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