Remember how the Ukrainian Navy was supposedly strapping knives and guns to dolphins and turning them into highly skilled dolphin assassins? Well, some of those guys seem to have gotten loose in the Black Sea. If you’re in the area, you may want to invest in a bigger boat.

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Dolphins, of course, are on the scary side at the best of times. We’re on record as not trusting those guys. In fact, it’s possible that armed dolphin Mossad agents are actually LESS dangerous than the usual frat-boy type — they may have weapons, but at least they also have military discipline. On the other hand, they did just wander out into the open sea, so maybe the training didn’t really take.

Anyway, clearly the only correct course of action is to arm all the other dolphins in the sea. And, to be safe, the porpoises. And the whales. The only thing that stops a bad sea mammal with a gun is a good sea mammal with a gun, after all.

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