Your high school sex ed class probably had one glaring omission: It never taught you about octopus sex. Today, Janet Voight, the Associate Curator of Invertebrates (!) at Chicago’s Field Museum of Natural History, is going to fix that:
If you can get past the obnoxious host, softspoken Voight discusses the deep sea–dwelling Vulcanoctopus hydrothermalis, which is creepy and translucent (thanks to its lack of pigment and chromatophores). Male and female octopi only have one gonad, Voight says, adding “Males only have one of what’s historically called a penis. [Ed. note: Only one penis?? WhatEVER.] Octopuses don’t put their penis inside the female. Octopuses transfer sperm by a modified arm tip.”
So one of their arms is the SPECIAL SEX-ARM. Voight says you can tell which is the arm for boning, because the octopus will protect it and carry it differently (just like you’d guard your nuts during a soccer game). It releases its sperm in a long, thin package into the female octopus’ oviduct. Sexay!
After doing the deed, the female octopus saves the male’s sperm for whenever she’s ready to make them babies. Another way octopi are just like human women.
Oh yes — Voight also clarifies that the plural of octopus is “octopuses.” Don’t tell her, but we might just keep saying “octopi” — because it’s WAY easier to rhyme with in our deep-sea raps.
