RIP oil well

The oil well Macondo Prospect passed away peacefully in the ocean deep off the coast of Louisiana, after a long and painful struggle with BP. After suffering a fatal injury on April 20, 2010, the blown well began hemorrhaging oil and gas into the Gulf of Mexico, in an event that ultimately — and tragically — claimed the lives of 11 rig workers, 4,080 birds, 525 sea turtles, and Spongebob Squarepants. Although crews stopped its leaking crude on Aug. 4, the well’s days were numbered, and it finally found its earthly relief well on Sept. 16, 2010.

Named for the fictional cursed town in the novel One Hundred Years of Solitude, this oil well also endured a cursed existence in its brief time in the earth. It is survived by nearly 4,000 deepwater wells in the Gulf of Mexico, gazillions of barrels of successfully drilled oil, and whatever is left of the 4.9 million barrels of crude oil it leaked into surrounding waters.

Final burial of the well took place on Sept. 19, in Davy Jones’ cement locker, where it will rest 5,000 feet below the surface of the Gulf with the fishes it covered in oil. Memorial services performed by a number of charities will continue the work of cleaning up after the blown well.

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