Play Lady Play

Dad made us wooden toy cars, planes, and trains.  And Mom helped us sew dolls and clothes for them.  I also designed and sewed my own stuffed animals as a kid.  It was enjoyable and creative.  

All my other toys were plastic, but I remember the camera just being so much more fun. Even my friends thought my camera was the best.

As long as there are slaughterhouses, there will be battlefields. -Leo Tolstoy

You can't win the goody bag battle, I don't think. You can mostly win the "no i won't buy that" argument. I say mostly because your kid has a line on some other adult. Possibly your own mother, who taught you to say "No I will not buy that ridiculous thing" in exactly that tone of voice. I actually heard a kid in a store say to grandma "No, mom won't let us have a Bratz doll. She'd just take it away." They bought a Barbie instead. I'm not sure that's a win.

I have not managed to win the "don't let my kid drink sugary drinks" battle - his powers of cuteness win out against all adults and half the older kids in the neighborhood, if I'm not watching.

I have managed to convince most family members to only give us random crap if it's pre-owned. I have made both grandmothers admit that they buy toys for their own pleasure, not the grandkids. They have electronics-laden giant plastic things that stay at Grandma's house and we visit. And my stepfather's need to buy beach toys, which I couldn't do anything about, I did manage to limit - my son got the beach toys as a random gift at the beach, and then months later he also got them for his birthday. Same toys. He was happy anyway.

I haven't managed to stop random family friends from buying things for my son. I don't think that one is winnable, either - right now I winnow it down as soon as they're out of the house, but in a few years he'll tattle on me, and I'll lose that battle completely.

And most importantly, I haven't managed to stop my own crap-buying. I limit it by only buying things at garage sales and thrift stores. But it was me who wanted the Sit N Spin. It was me who wanted the toy chainsaw. It was me who "needed" a Playschool pirate ship. He enjoys all those things, but he never asked for them, and they are all made out of plastic. Pre-owned plastic, but plastic.

I am amazed at the sheer amount of toys that parents will purchase for their children.  Even parents who I assumed were very environmentally conscious give in to their kids when they plead for something plastic - which is just what advertisers are trying to create: a culture where children drive the toy market by influencing parents to buy the toy that is cheapest to produce.  

Industry should not be blamed, however, for our materialism.  The toy industry depends on parents, first and foremost.

We adults are responsible for reinforcing the rich cultural tradition of materialism in our culture, and we pass these values on to our children in ways that we don't even realize.  The very traditions we practice celebrate and foster superficial materialism.  Our holiday (and birthday) traditions of gift-giving reinforce the idea that we are entitled to gifts, without need or necessity - that simply by our existence we should expect to be showered with wealth.  We reward kids by treating them with material gains, instead of rewarding them with appreciation and emotional support.  We encourage creativity, but we measure it by "productivity" (what did you paint?) instead of "process" (how did you paint?), and in doing so, validate only acts that result in a gain of material assets.  

We are encouraging our children to place importance on objects that characterize the values of the industrial revolution and modern consumerism: convenience, fashion, productivity, and cheapness.  We are allowing - through our support and purchase of cheap and fashionable toys - our children to value products which have no value.  

As a result, the cultural environment that our children are learning to treasure is one designed according to the specifications of marketing strategies, and not according to the values that we aught to cherish when it comes to our children: creativity, confidence, self-reliance, intelligence, health and understanding.  Not only is this detrimental to the development of our younger generations by how it affects values and play, but encourages bad habits in us, the adults, who recognize the environmental and social inadequacies of  the industrial mindset.

Of course, we cannot completely shelter our children from the hand of advertising, and inevitably, they will learn through their peers that certain toys are cooler than others.  But we are not helpless either.  We can start is by recognizing the values that we encourage through our purchasing behavior, and talk with peers and other parents about what we value in toys.  As was mentioned above, we should demonstrate for other parents that we do not give in to the pressure to praise kids with cheap gifts - our children and our culture deserve better.

So my big dilemma is how do you curb that "We have to buy LOTS of Christmas presents behaviour" without hurting anyone's feelings? Previous attempts at limiting battery-operated toys have failed miserably.

My kids are still young enough to love a chocolate chip cookie as much a new plastic toy. I'm trying to hold onto to that for as long as it lasts. After that the conversations begin about choices and consequences of those choices. Big subject matter for young minds, but important in the effort to reduce overall purchases.

So for now, I will try to broach the subject of less toys, more love with the family and see how that goes over.

Reduce the Juice!