UPDATE: This is an April Fools' Day post, entirely made up. Your smoothies are safe.
It might be time to rethink the adage "don't sh*t where you eat." Silicon Valley-based startup Advanced Recycling Concepts (ARC) announced Thursday that it will soon be offering a new line of kitchen appliances powered by poo, following a recent trend of excrement-powered homes, gardens, and streetlights. (We sh*t you not.) The company will be introducing poop-powered blenders, mixers, coffeemakers, and food processors — which means you might want to pay a little more attention when you whip up that morning protein shake.
Unlike with the dog-doo streetlights in Cambridge, Mass., owners of these kitchen gadgets won't have to actually handle their own crap in order to reap the electrical benefits. "Understandably there are hygiene concerns, but we want our customers to rest assured that these appliances are not only off the grid, but restaurant-grade in terms of sanitation," said the company’s chief technical officer, Glen Matlock. The idea might sound way out there, but ARC has backing from big-time venture-capital firm Kleiner Perkins.
The appliances are designed to be built into new homes and installed by professional contractors so they can be properly hooked up to a home's sewage system. Sorry, DIYers, but it would be tricky to pull this off as a retrofit; ARC says future models in development should be more appropriate for existing homes. So how does it all work? If you nerds must know, dung will go through a mini biogas digester, then a bacterial treatment will convert it to methane. Matlock estimates one average-size load can power a small appliance for up to four minutes.
Um, did you say you wanted a double tall Americano? Because we think you actually meant a deuce.