Artist Jonathon Keats has cooked up a light meal for plants. The full five-star affair will be showing at the Crocker Art Museum in Sacramento, but here’s the fast-food version, suitable for your houseplants or your urban garden:

“My recipes are all based on the scientific study of plant physiology, applied to the fine art of cuisine,” Keats told Wired.com. “I’m publishing the recipe book so gardeners everywhere can prepare gourmet sunlight for their plants at home. For people who are lazier, or keep only a few plants indoors, I packaged my signature recipes for easy consumption by videotaping select wavelengths of natural sunlight and editing them into a quick and convenient TV dinner.

“I tried it out on my plants at home, and as far as I can tell, they responded well to my delectable mixtures of orange, violet and yellow, although I can’t be certain,” he added. “Cuisine is a form of communication, and mine won’t be complete until plants evolve a mechanism for food criticism.”

(I can’t believe I feel compelled to say this, but for those of you playing along at home, yes, this is tongue-in-cheek. Think of it as a satire on foodieism.)