Joe Biden
Vice President Joe Biden.
Barack Obama

Everyone’s favorite avuncular veep, Joe Biden, went to the opening of a Costco in D.C., where he bought books and fire logs and a pie but NO CAR TIRES. Because Uncle Joe may be a regular guy who likes eating free samples and joking about taking a swing through the liquor department, but he does not drive. That’s for losers.

Biden also ate several Costco food samples and appeared to enjoy them. (Who wouldn’t?)

But he turned down employees who tried to lure him to the tire department. “Hey man, I don’t need tires,” he said. “I don’t drive anymore.”

That’s right — he may wash his Trans Am in the White House driveway, but Locomotive Joe is a train guy at heart. And if he can give up tires, and the cars they’re attached to, why not you, America?