Penguin lives the dream, bites Newt Gingrich
In the grand tradition of Jimmy Carter’s swimming rabbit, Theodore Roosevelt’s moose, and JFK’s robot unicorn, Newt Gingrich has now had a run-in with wildlife: He was bitten on the finger by a penguin at the St. Louis zoo.
Gingrich, who actually has a weird tradition of getting sat on by wild animals, has talked about how much he wanted to be a zoologist growing up, before he decided to abandon all his principles in a desperate lunge at the presidency. But the penguin was having none of that bullshit. Presumably it just saw a man who sold out his Sierra Club principles, and decided to go all Occupy Finger. Or, you know, Gingrich’s fingers look like jumbo shrimps. Either is possible.
At press time, the penguin was not suffering from sepsis, but is hopefully under observation.
What would it take to make this the new glitterbombing? If every politician who denies global warming, supports drilling in ANWR, or is cavalier about the wildlife impact of oil production had to contend with tiny avenging penguin jaws, the campaign would be a lot more tolerable.
Penguin bites Gingrich at St. Louis zoo, The Hill.
Donate now to support our work.