Though the Minnesota State Fair doesn’t take place until August, the organizers just released a list of 47 new foods the fair will feature this year, and all we can do is take our hats off to the evil geniuses that the fair clearly employs as food innovators. Their twisted imaginations are beyond our most bilious indigestion nightmares.

You’ve got your basic bacon-wrapped grilled shrimp on a stick, funnel cake sundaes, cocoa cheese bites, mini donut batter crunch ice cream, fried pickles to be dipped in chocolate, deep-fried bread pudding, deep-fried pumpkin pie, deep-fried Monte Cristo, and deep-fried meatloaf. But it gets better. Forthwith, our favorite absolutely-disgusting-but-damn-we-want-that items:

Caramel corn made with liquid nitrogen

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Minnesota State Fair

“This icy-cold popcorn is crispy, crunchy, sweet, & salty and leaves a trail of comet dust when exhaled out of the nose and mouth, creating a tingly, bubbly feeling.” Fuuuuun.

Candied bacon cannoli

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Minnesota State Fair

Leave the gun. TAKE THIS CANNOLI. (It’ll kill you just as reliably, anyway.)

Double bacon corndog

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Minnesota State Fair

“Bacon-wrapped hot dog dipped in corn dog battered blended with real bacon bits then deep fried.” If that’s too much for you, there’s always the healthier sweet corn version.

Craft beer battered onion rings

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Minnesota State Fair

Made with Indeed Daytripper, a local craft beer, these must be healthy and good for the planet, as they are made with local ingredients.

Philly fries

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Minnesota State Fair

You don’t even want to know. (OK, it’s basically a Philly cheesesteak, but with fries, instead of a bun.)

English Toffee Fudge Puppy

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Minnesota State Fair

The description doesn’t even do this one justice. “Chocolate-covered bits of English toffee baked in the middle of a fudge puppy (Belgian waffle on a stick) then dipped in chocolate and layerd with whipped cream, a toffee sauce and more bits of chocolate-covered English toffee.”

This seems like a story that need further investigation. Look out for our Kickstarter that will fund three reporters to travel to the wilds of the Minnesota State Fair and, perhaps, live to tell the tale.