Are you childfree, anti-population-growth, or just an STFU Parents fan? Unbaby.me will get rugrats off your social media feeds for good, and replace them with pictures of kittens, puppies, bacon, swimsuit models, or whatever you want.
Here’s how it works: The Chrome extension has an editable list of keywords that usually herald a precious, sticky little face in the vicinity. The preloaded keyword list is:
year old, so adorable, our family, cutest baby, learned to walk, years old, month old, months old, carseat, infant, too adorable, pajamas, solid foods, crawling, most baby, so cute, is precious, is too cute, diapers, too cute cutest baby ever, newborn, and mommy, looks like dad, beautiful baby, gerber, pacifier, tantrum, little angel,
but you can add whatever you want. The creators recommend dropping in the names of the biggest offenders among your Facebook friends. Then you can set it up with your favorite image feeds, or just use the default feed of cat photos from Instagram. It works best with big images, but otherwise, you can basically unbaby with whatever you find on the internet — puppies, food porn, Avengers fanart. You could even just do Goatse over and over, I don’t know your life. Then hit “save,” and voila: Tot-blocked.
My first thought was “so few of my friends have babies, and they’re usually so polite — I don’t need this!” But my second was “still, wouldn’t I rather look at pictures of puppies?” so I installed it just to see. Almost immediately, a grainy photo of a slightly menacing cat showed up in my Facebook feed with the message “Baby removed.”
I can only assume this cat sat on top of the baby and stole its breath.
I already subscribe to like three different feeds of puppy photos, and my friends really are exceptionally conscientious about baby photos (no pictures of poop blowouts or whatever), plus I actually think small humans are pretty cute, so I don’t plan to leave this extension turned on. But if you’re sick of your social media being covered in spit-up, or if looking at one more pair of chubby cheeks is going to make you scream, enjoy: This is by far the least controversial baby-removal technology you will ever see.
