Seriously, who steals a book bike?
Seriously, who steals a book bike?
Library As Incubator Project

Only a very specific kind of person would steal a custom trike that delivers library books. That sort of person either subsists on rubber or is a heartless bastard who routinely kicks kittens and poops on babies. Seriously, go hump a Hummer or something. You mess with the bike library, you unleash a helmeted pack of literati who will date-stamp you into the next century.

Whew, sorry. I just REALLY hope they catch whoever did this:

The “BiblioTreka,” a custom tricycle custom built to carry a collection of literary works from Humboldt Park’s Read/Write Library, was stolen sometime in the late hours of Saturday night and Sunday morning. Nell Taylor, the executive director of the non-profit that collects all kinds of Chicago stories, small-publications, poetry and zines, said the organization is simply seeking a safe return of its library on wheels.

“When I heard about it, I just started shaking,” she said. “It’s so discouraging, it takes more than everything we have just to keep this going. To have something further taken away from is just incredibly difficult.”

Maybe the bike’ll get returned in a heartwarming twist of justice? It’s not like the thief can just use it to commute to work unnoticed:

“Maybe once this person gets home, they will see it’s not usable for them, that it contains books,” [Taylor] said, adding the bike weighs on the upwards of 200 pounds. “If they can return it to us, we would be overjoyed.”

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Library As Incubator Project

OK, pubescent villain, let’s review why this was wrong: library, bike, nonprofit. Now let’s go over the correct entities to target with your teenage fiendishness: huge evil corporations like BP, sweatshop-using design plagiarists like Forever 21, your parents. Ya dig?