The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association (NOAA) has released its outlook for summer temperatures, and, in the words of the American poet Nelly: It’s getting hot in herre.

Temperatures all across the country are facing increased odds for well above average summer temps: From Seattle to Sag Harbor, boob sweat and swamp ass will abound. The only exceptions in these United States are South Dakota, Nebraska, and Kansas — so pack your bags, babies! We’re heading to Omaha.


Beside the basic discomfort of hot-as-balls weather, exceptionally high temperatures are bad news for things like drought, wildfire, and curly hair. This could mean an especially difficult year for parts of California and the Southwest that are already suffering from years of high temps and low precipitation.

Howard Diamond, scientist at NOAA, put it this way: