The British media landscape is lighting up with dreadful news for our most fair-skinned friends. If the Independent, Telegraph, Daily Mail, MirrorWeather Network, Huffington Post, and other outlets are to believed, climate change threatens to send red-haired folks into extinction. Extinction!

Fortunately for redheads everywhere, and for everybody who loves them, the news is less credible than a hair product manufacturer’s claim that its dyes won’t fade.

The news coverage is based on interviews by a Daily Record reporter with an anonymous source and with an official at a company that investigates customers’ genetic histories. The newspaper’s claims are based on four assumptions: (1) A single gene mutation codes for red hair and fair skin. (2) Gene mutation evolved to help Europeans soak up more sun, which is needed to produce more vitamin D in cloudy environments. (3) As the climate changes, the world will see fewer clouds. (4) As the clouds disappear, so too will the genes that helped humans adapt to cloudy environments — and the redheads who carry those genes.