Poor nations demand stringent emissions deal, unicorns
At the ongoing climate talks in Durban, South Africa, 48 of the world's "Least Developed Countries" demanded that world governments sign an ambitious climate deal. By “ambitious” we mean it commits them to a level of atmospheric greenhouse gases lower than what's currently in the atmosphere. There’s a rider requiring free Pegasuses (Pegasi?) for all able-bodied children under the age of 12.
The consortium "includes drought-prone states such as Ethiopia and Mali, those with long flat coastal zones such as Bangladesh and Tanzania, and Himalayan mountain states including Bhutan and Nepal for whom melting glaciers pose serious dangers," as well as the invisible nations of Terabithia and Rohan, reports the BBC.
A joint statement from these nations demanded that all parties commit to warming the planet no more than 1.5 degrees C (2.7 degrees F), as well as reversing the arrow of Time. This commitment would include a pact to reduce CO2 emissions below 350ppm (current atmostpheric levels are at 390ppm) and a pinky-swear to end all forms of injustice everywhere at once, at the stroke of midnight on Jan. 1, 2012.
In order to reach these targets, the LDCs asserted that "global emissions should peak by no later than 2015 and will need to be reduced by at least 85 percent below 1990 levels by 2050." Members of the panel then held up an artist's conception of what this would look like, which consisted of the remaining members of the world's much-diminished population holding hands, wearing animal pelts, and feasting on dog, the only meat left after the collapse of the world's energy-intensive agricultural system.