If you resent Valentine’s Day for its saccharine cliches, its commercialization of love, and the icky relationship selfies it invites, then you’re in good company. But heck, if you want to celebrate it anyway, let’s do this thing. There’s a lot of scary news out there — we could all use an excuse to treat ourselves or treat our pals or partners. Just don’t do it with a big stuffed bear, OK? Grist has you covered on this one.

For starters, wake up cute with our heart-shaped spiced spelt doughnut recipe. Are doughnuts the best ever breakfast in bed? (Should I stop inviting crumbs into my never-made bed? OK, maybe that’ll be my Valentine’s Day resolution.)

While you and your beloved are enjoying those treats, why not share one of our adorable, climate-themed cards?

And if you really want to throw some jewelry in there, you can, I guess. Just heed Umbra’s tips to make sure to make sure those shiny new earrings aren’t destroying the planet. (Very unsexy.)

When it’s time to get naughty (if your V-day plans happen to include some naughtiness), you’ll want to be prepared with this DIY flaxseed lube. What’s more romantic than not having skin irritation, I’d like to know?

Also, that super simple, super natural recipe is totally safe to use with condoms — so do not neglect your birth control!

If none of these options really capture how you’re feeling right now, don’t fret. Take this opportunity to name a hissing cockroach after your sweetheart, for a mere $15. Per the Bronx Zoo, this is the gift that truly says “our love will last a lifetime.” Or at least, however long a cockroach lives.

For another wildlife-supporting option (if your heart was really set on stuffed bears), one Oregon wildlife center offers the chance to name a salmon after your ex or your current partner (whatever floats your boat!) to then be devoured by one of their 1,000-pound bears. Now that’s a romantic dinner done right.

Still hankering for Grist love tips? We’ve got a whole video for green dating advice: