1. “Hey baby, recycle here often?”

    OK, we’ve heard enough about steamy flings starting at Green Drinks: It’s now officially a Trend. Middle America may think it’s all patchouli and Birkenstocks when enviros mingle, but what we see is brainy, committed hotties … leaving together.

  2. Alternative lifestyle

    Whole Foods, where eco-conscious gourmets flock to demonstrate their virtue pay $10 a pound for olives buy healthy food for their families, is opening a “lifestyle store” that will sell clothes, housewares, and no doubt more hemp than you can shake a bamboo stick at. Look for the bags on the arms of affluent Caucasians near you!

  3. When people stop being polite and start being green

    The new reality show Coolfuel Roadtrip features a ditsy blond, a naive country bumpkin, and a prickly black urbanite … no, wait, that’s the other one. This one features a cheerful Aussie canoodling with celebs like Daryl Hannah and Jack Johnson and using cow manure, garbage, vegetable oil, and other “cool fuels” to power his travels.

  4. Waddle carefully

    The Falkland Islands are ridden with land mines left behind after that disagreeable 1982 kerfuffle between Argentina and Great Britain. Penguins, however, are too light to trigger them, so minefields have become a de facto wildlife refuge for the lovable critters. We’re not saying we should mine the Arctic Refuge, but …

  5. No blood for veggie oil!

    Sure, the U.S. military is largely devoted to protecting our oil supply — but that doesn’t mean they have to burn oil to do it! Biodiesel use is on the rise on domestic military bases. Someday soon, perhaps the last thing the insurgents evil-doers smell before they meet their maker will be the faint whiff of french fries.