Rule No. 1 of Grist List: Never pass up an opportunity to win a free bike. Especially if the opportunity involves the chance to channel P.G. Wodehouse.

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The Paris Review (TPR), a venerable lit magazine not particularly concerned with green living but very concerned with style and general braininess, is offering up this snazzy Beater Bicycles Roadster to one lucky and literary-minded reader.

To win this beaut, TPR asks its clever readers to describe the picture above. There’s a 300 word max and a catch: The description must be in the style of Elizabeth Bishop, Ray Bradbury, Joan Didion, Ernest Hemingway, or P.G. Wodehouse.

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The deadline for entries is July 22. We won’t sully your creative juices by offering our own ideas. (Also, we don’t want you to steal our bike-winning entries.) We’ll just say this: Anyone who tries for Hemingway is a slacker and a cheat. Bishop’s the real challenge. Although Didion is still around (knock wood) to take offense if you screw it up.