Jose Canseco knows as much about global warming as I know about Jose Canseco, which is to say, not much. I’m told he’s “the total train wreck of baseball” and I’m willing to believe it, now that I’ve seen him take his Twitter followers to school on climate change.

Are you ready for this? You’re not. You can’t be. But at least he gave you fair warning.

Here’s the deal, clowns: We need to stop killing polar bears, pronto. You should just recycle your old bottles instead of making new ones out of bears.

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Also, definitely something about home heating! Reducing it saves energy AND makes you immortal, I’m pretty sure. Instead, you can use pajamas or body heat or dead bears. NO. NOT DEAD BEARS.

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Do it in memory of poor, dead Al Gore.

Okay, that’s it, Twitter. Jose Canseco completes you of to practice for his Playboy celebrity golf tournament.

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