Good news, America! The U.N. has just proved that the United States does not have the world’s monopoly on bad climate ideas. The board in charge of the U.N.’s Green Climate Fund — money that’s supposed to be used to help developing nations fight and prepare for climate change — decided last week that some of its funding can be used to build … coal plants.

That’s right — the dirtiest, shittiest fuel we have (at least until someone figures out how to make electricity from used diapers) is perfectly acceptable! Totally fine! Definitely NOT going to kill you and me and everyone you’ve ever known and loved including the panda-cam pandas and this dog who takes herself to the park on the bus!

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Now, presumably, the U.N. is aware that pollution from coal plants kills more than 100,000 humans in India each year alone, and even more in China, and is also the world’s single largest source of carbon emissions — so if their decision seems a bit odd to you, you’re not alone. “It’s like a torture convention that doesn’t forbid torture,” said Karen Orenstein of Friends of the Earth U.S. “Honestly it should be a no-brainer at this point.”

So what’s behind the U.N.’s decision? Wild speculation here as my calls to 1-800-UNF-CCCC went unanswered, but the Guardian reports that only 1 percent of the $10.2 billion that rich nations pledged last December to pay into the fund has actually been paid (the deadline is April 30), and so giving the OK to coal investments might at least make it seem like rich countries are doing more to help poor ones. Either that or whoever is steering this ship is actually an alien from a distant star who is running a psychological experiment to see just how far humans will go before we ruin the only planet with enough oxygen to keep us alive. LOL! GOOD ONE, ALIENS!!! Now that you’ve seen how things work down here, maybe go back home and take those coal plants back with you. Thanks.

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