Newt Gingrich promises he’ll lower gas prices to $2.50 a gallon once he gets to the White House. Now that we know he’s in possession of a magic wand that can override global market forces, there are a few other items we’d like to see priced lower.
Space travel
Come on, Newt, you’re supposed to be a big-idea man (and a giant Star Wars geek)! Why just lower the cost of car travel when you could lower the cost of space travel?
Health care
If it were actually affordable, we could all agree to put a stake through the heart of ObamaCare, without leaving poor people defenseless against debilitating health costs. Because you don’t want poor people to be defenseless against debilitating health costs, do you, Newt?
Oh. Well, it would be cool to lower the cost of health care anyway.
NoDoz
If it were cheaper, everyone could avoid embarrassing moments like this. We know fighting Reed Richards day-in-and-day-out takes it out of you, but you gotta stay in the game.
Higher education
This would be a great way for Newt to differentiate himself from the snob-hating Santorum.
Aspirin
There’s been a run on it lately, thanks to the recent discovery of a novel off-label use, so it would be good to make sure the price stays low.
Chevy Volts
If they weren’t so darned pricey, more people would buy them and GM wouldn’t have to lay off 1,300 workers. What’s good for General Motors is good for America.
Love seats
They bring people together!
Eco-fabulous yurts
If everyone could afford a “Lifepod,” we could do away with ghettos.
iPads
What better device on which to watch a half-hour infomercial of Newt sitting in a chair selling his energy policy? Also, according to Rick Santorum, iPads somehow obviate the need for health insurance.
Gold
Watch Ron Paul’s mind explode! And, as a bonus, bring down the price of Tiffany’s jewelry.
What prices would you like Newt to lower? Please share in comments below.
