Hot Pockets — the impressively flavorless doughy pouch encircling questionable meat and cheese — just got grosser. One of its suppliers, Rancho Feeding Corporation, recalled almost 9 million pounds of beef last week because it was “diseased and unsound.” So far, only Hot Pockets’ Philly Steak & Cheese flavor has been recalled, but there’s no WAY we’ll stuff them in our pants to keep warm now!

Here are the three main products to avoid:

  • Hot Pocket Philly Steak & Cheese, 9 oz., UPC4369507107
  • Hot Pocket Croissant Crust Philly Steak & Cheese, 9 oz., UPC 4369505634
  • Hot Pocket Philly Steak & Cheese, 54 oz., UPC 4369507520

According to the USDA, “[T]he products are adulterated, because they are unsound, unwholesome, or otherwise are unfit for human food.” Uh, does anything about Hot Pockets really scream “wholesome”? One Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pocket has 540 calories, 19 grams of fat, and a whopping 1,240 mg of sodium — more than half the recommended daily amount. They’re basically salty doll pillows. Best to feed them to the American Girl doll you like least (FELICITY?!) and look for healthier, non-diseased fare.

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