Thanks to climate change, Thanksgiving is OVER
Put this on your list of things to be thankful for on Thursday: the fact that Thanksgiving is happening at all. It’s not a given. As Mother Jones writes, “If the globe continues to warm, that Turkey Day spread could end up looking quite paltry.” The situation, the magazine reports, could get pretty dire pretty quickly.
- NO turkey: Like all meat, turkey’s been made more expensive by this summer’s nasty drought. Also, rising temperatures are driving the wild turkeys towards Canada, where they don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving. (Well, OK, they celebrate a Thanksgiving.)
- NO mashed potatoes: If substituting baked bananas for baked potatoes sounded bad, just think about substituting mashed bananas for mashed potatoes. (Potential upside: Bananas make kick-ass ice cream, and we’ll all be sweating in November, anyway.)
- NO CRANBERRY SAUCE: Cranberries need to freeze over winter. Even the ones that make the stuff that comes from the can.
- NOOOOO PUUUUUMPKIN PIEEEEEEEE: When the weather gets weird, pumpkin crops get unreliable.
America is faced with an important choice: Fix the climate, or cancel Thanksgiving. I think we know which one is the right option.
This Is Your Thanksgiving on Climate Change,