Comedian/blogger Jeff Wysaski, who is pretty (JOURNALISM!), brings you handy tips for how to eat healthy and stay in shape. Burn calories running to greet the pizza guy! Eat bright-colored foods like Skittles! Avoid death! I think I can stay on this diet.

A few more tips not covered in the video:

  • Opt for 40-ounce beers instead of the usual pansy-ass 16-ounce cans — it’ll work your biceps when you lift them to your mouth.
  • Double your usual portion sizes. That way, when you only eat, say, one burger instead of two, you’re cutting your caloric intake in half.
  • Buy healthy snacks like air-popped popcorn. Give them to trick-or-treaters so you can keep the candy for yourself.
  • Consider growing your own vegetables and raising chickens for wholesome, economical, local food. The idea will be so exhausting that it’s the equivalent of a workout.
  • Never give up gluten. Gluten-free stuff is crumbly and much easier to chew, so it doesn’t burn as many calories.

Yes, I think we’re all on our way to optimum health!

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