12 ways to spend Black Friday instead of wasting your money
Choke that turkey and mash those taters, folks! Not long after the Thanksgiving dishes are tossed and the kids are put back in the closet, millions of your fellow Americans will drive their combustion engines to the mall for that most hallowed day of the year: Black Friday. DO NOT JOIN THEM! Traffic will be terrible. More importantly, consumerism is bad for the planet, and for you. Research suggests that materialism not only makes people less happy, it also makes you a dick. So this year, skip Black Friday and do something instead.
Actually, that’s a pretty good idea. Can I trademark that? Now announcing: Do Something Day™, when you put down the bitcoin and make a damn difference in the world. Need inspiration? Here are 12 easy ways to make a difference and celebrate Do Something Day™ this year:
- Bring a reusable bag to the co-op.
- Join a Buy Nothing group.
- Start a Little Free Library.
- Take public transit.
- Read The Giving Tree.
- Make potpourri from fallen leaves for solstice presents.
- Set your Keurig on fire.
- Toilet-paper your neighbor’s SUV collection.
- Pay for someone else’s abortion. Pay for someone’s vasectomy, too — equal opportunity!
- Start a survivalist utopia in the lobby of Trump Tower.
- Bring down the world’s premiere financial institutions by leaking a rumor to TMZ that a three-fingered monkey is now running all of them.
- Run for president. If a sedated neurosurgeon, an ornery toupee, and a guy with a boot on his head can do it, there’s nothing that should hold you back.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Now go Do Something™.