I really believe that women are funnier than men. Bear with me — it’s because we have to be. If you’re a woman in an American city — which, granted, makes you far better off than the majority of women in the world — you can pretty much guarantee the following things:
- A stranger on the street will loudly detail a sexual act that he would like to execute with your body, and then, when you fail to respond positively, he will call you a hideous bitch.
- If you’re a regular rider of public transit, at some point you’re going to see a penis. Odds are approximately 100,000 to 1 that it’s not one that you wanted to see.
- In the nation’s most dismal city, a horde of toad-like old men are frantically trying to ensure that you can’t have recreational sex without being punished for it, you bad slut!
So, yeah — how would you deal with all that depressing and exhausting garbage if you couldn’t laugh about it? On that note, our chasers for this week will feature a few of my favorite professionally funny women.
SHOT: Planned Parenthood announced that it would stop accepting reimbursements for fetal tissue for medical research, and instead absorb all associated costs. The move, as explained by Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards, is to remove any question about the legitimacy of the organization’s practices, but it still sucks because it lets anti-abortion Republicans think they’ve accomplished something through … blatantly lying.
CHASER: Anti-choice legislators may be the worst, but that Amy Schumer has been so bad!
SHOT: Maybe you’ve heard of “crisis pregnancy centers,” where anti-abortion evangelists masquerading as certified counselors attempt to shame distressed women out of terminating their pregnancies. This week, California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill that would require these centers to advertise that they have no medical license — and they’re fighting it on the basis of free speech. Free to lie, I guess?
CHASER: I would gladly be counseled on anything — anything! — by Maya Rudolph’s Bronx mom character:
SHOT: It’s no secret that money runs politics, but a New York Times list of top campaign donors revealed that just 158 families have provided half of all funding for presidential contenders. And two of the biggest donors — who have collectively donated $26.3 million to Ted Cruz — are strong opponents of the choice movement. Yikes.
CHASER: In the last election (seems so long ago, doesn’t it?) Sarah Silverman certainly did her part to fight egregious campaign donations: