Look — I love writing this li’l column, but sometimes it just makes me angry.
That said, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I’m perhaps predisposed to rage. In past fits of blind anger, I have: Hurled porch furniture into the parking lot of my apartment building, kicked a hole in a kitchen cabinet, and (mostly) accidentally punched one of my closest friends in the face. Wow! That looks bad all in a row.
These are all objectively destructive expressions of anger! (I’m really sorry, Zoe.) But channeling wrath properly can accomplish great things, like vanquishing your enemies — and no, folding chairs do not count as worthy enemies in this context. This week, take inspiration from some of my favorite furious women and focus that on destroying all the evil forces in the world trying to take away your right to do what the fuck you want with your uterus.
SHOT: Imagine this: You’re a teenager who’s thinking about getting an abortion. You tell someone you trust, who brings you to what appears to be a medical consultation — and all of a sudden you’ve signed a form that will make it very, very difficult for you to actually have the procedure. Rewire (formerly RH Reality Check) reports on this truly maddening practice a Texas anti-choice organization is pushing across the country.
CHASER: They say speed is a helluva drug — but so is rage!
SHOT: Florida Gov. Rick Scott just signed an omnibus bill that will drastically reduce access to abortion and other reproductive health care in his state, particularly for low-income women. It prohibits Medicaid reimbursement and state funding for clinics that include abortion in their services — even though this is illegal — and has followed in Texas’ miserable footsteps to impose heavy regulations on those clinics.
CHASER: The quieter the fury, the more deadly — as demonstrated by Cersei Lannister.
SHOT: What’s going on with Zubik v. Burwell, the Supreme Court case on religious nonprofits exempting themselves from ACA coverage of birth control? This week, the justices demanded extra homework from the attorneys, in the form of additional briefs, presumably hoping to avoid a 4-4 tie.
CHASER: No one pairs cool disapproval with a hot gun like Susan Sarandon.
SHOT: Utah just became the only state in the union to require anesthesia in a late-term abortion procedure — for the fetus, not the woman. Oh! And it has to be delivered through the woman, which means that those who undergo late-term abortions will now be subjected to additional and entirely unnecessary side effects.
CHASER: Remember how I said you shouldn’t take out your anger on patio furniture? I take it back.
SHOT: Shouts to the good people at the FDA, who we like to imagine looked at the proliferation of state abortion restrictions and declared, “Enough of this mess!” The federal agency just used its jurisdiction to ease requirements around taking mifepristone, commonly known as “the abortion pill.” This is a major coup as states reel in abortion rights across the country.
CHASER: Always walk into a room like an Olivia Pope who is fed up with her whiny-ass president boyfriend.
SHOT: Do you care what a giant, screaming toenail coated in Dorito dust has to say about abortion? Me either, but here we are, looking toward November with all the enthusiasm of staring down the barrel of a rifle. Anyway, Dumpy Drumpfy said women should be punished for having abortions, then he said they shouldn’t, and now we’re all angrier and a little stupider for the whole episode.
CHASER: Grist does not condone murder, but it does condone these outfits.
SHOT: The Missouri House held a hearing on Tuesday to debate the validity of a personhood law that would give an embryo the same rights as a human — potentially outlawing certain forms of birth control. The Columbia Missourian reports that Rep. Mike Moon, the bill’s main sponsor, reasoned: “As a former embryo myself, I would like protection for all embryos.”
CHASER: Grist still does not condone murder.