Oh — hello! You! Yes, sir, you in the Skrillex tank top. Now, I think — I think, but it seems hard to believe that I could be mistaken about this — that you just expressed enthusiastic approval of my largely exposed legs. And also — again, I may have misheard, but I doubt it — you made a sound that was supposed to be an imitation of a large cat.

Could you put down the Lime-a-Rita for a second? We need to talk about this. Thanks! No, I really don’t want one.

So, here’s the situation: It is hot as hell out. We are both actively sweating — in fact, you’re sweating on my arm. Could you step back a few inches? I appreciate it. Anyway, you may be aware that summers — and winters, for that matter — are getting hotter and hotter. Last month, for example, was the hottest May on record. Temperatures we’re experiencing today are higher than they’ve been for 4,000 years. In the not-too-distant future, oppressive, sweltering, I’ma-just-lie-under-this-sprinkler-for-the-rest-of-the-day heat might just be the norm — and pretty much guaranteed if policymakers don’t take fairly drastic action to cut carbon emissions.