Here are cattle farmers’ two least-favorite words: scrotal frostbite. (Actually, they’re probably lots of people’s least-favorite words.) This extremely frigid winter could affect not only bulls’ balls, but how potent cattle jizz is and thus the price you have to pay for beef this year.

According to Steve Boyles, an Ohio State University Extension beef cattle specialist, the subzero weather that blanketed much of the Midwest can spell infertility for bulls. (That’s what happens when you put the “icicle” in “testicicle.”) Bad news during a year that’s already facing a beef shortage.

Here are the gory details:

“Older bulls with lower-hanging scrotums are more frequently adversely affected because they are not as able to pull their testicles up close to the body to keep them warm,” [Boyles] said. “Defects in sperm are proportional to the severity of the frostbite lesions, testicle adhesions, and swelling of the testes.”

I think we can all agree on the importance of warm nuts. Forget snail sweaters — clearly we should all be knitting cozies for bull balls.

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