Listen, I love Michelle Obama. L.O.V.E. F.L.O.T.U.S., OK? I am constantly staggered that we have a first lady this cool in my lifetime. But this PSA with Big Bird is a complete snore.

Ugh really? That’s your pitch? “I like to eat healthy fruits and vegetables. Some also have peels.” YOU ARE COOLER THAN THIS, MICHELLE. (I’m not sure about you, Big Bird. I don’t like your new voice.)

Remember the healthy eating promotions from the heyday of Sesame Street? I MEAN. Captain Vegetable!

If you have to just stand there looking at fruit, at LEAST talk about how it’s delicious enough to appeal even to Cookie Monster:

This one was a little after my time, but it was pretty good! Blue-monster rap is less embarrassing than white-guy rap.

Even the promotions for oranges used to be better:

Uh, I think that’s a promotion for oranges.

Anyway, sorry to bitch, Michelle — I can call you Michelle, right? We are buddies — but this PSA does nothing to counter the notion that fruits and veg are a thing grown-ups scold children about, rather than a fun and tasty snack. Next time, instead of just standing in front of a steel-grey background of kitchen utensils and intoning that fruit is good, I highly recommend that you bust out a Mom Dance and boogie down for veggies.