We don’t want your seed, Monsanto — and yet you keep finding ways to make it more aggressive. Specifically, genetically modifying it to sue more organic farmers. Thankfully, that’s only true in the online pages of The Onion (SO far). America’s Finest News Source turned its funnymaker on everyone’s favorite GMO villain:
Agricultural biotech giant Monsanto unveiled its latest strain of genetically modified corn Wednesday, claiming that the new, hardier seed yields 400 percent more litigation against small independent farms than the company’s previous GMO products.
According to fake Monsanto spokesperson Richard Gringell:
“[O]ur new variety can cross-pollinate with nearby farmers’ crops three times faster, generating new targets for legal action much more efficiently than before. In fact, just one acre of our new corn is able to bankrupt as many family farmers as 10 acres of our previous formula. It’s a huge leap forward for our company.”
Hahaha (sob)! This isn’t the first time The Onion has skewered Monsanto — and we hope it won’t be the last. (Just don’t get any big ideas, Monsanto R&D.)