Even if you don't live next to one of the country's dirtiest coal plants, coal pollution is still likely finding its way into your body. Answer three questions, and the Sierra Club will tell you how at risk you are: very, extremely, or MY GOD GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

All you do is input where you live, how much fish you eat, and whether you belong to any groups known to be sensitive to air quality issues. (Oh, and they also want your email address, but there's a tiny "skip this" button in the right bottom corner of that screen if you're scared of what those mean greenies might do with that information.) Then hit “get score” and the calculator will tell you that coal will kill you.

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My score is only one out of a possible ten (although I'm not sure if I'm "active outdoors" — I walk a lot?), but according to the email the Sierra Club wants me to send to all my friends and loved ones, that still "means my health is threatened by coal pollution because of where I live, what I eat, and my lifestyle." So don't worry if you don't have time to take the quiz or want to keep your identifying information away from at least one group on the internet that desperately wants it — we're all screwed, anyway.

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